Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Where's Emily Post when you need her?

I'm all in angst. I'm supposed to have dinner with a friend tonight and I'm totally dreading it. This is the friend who is married to my husbands best friend. This is the friend who got pregnant on their first month out of the gate trying, just three months after my miscarriage. This is the friend I've totally been

I know I'm avoiding her because of the Big Elephant In The Room. You know the one, right? That she (probably) feels bad because she got pregnant immediately and we've been trying forever. So we don't talk about her pregnancy - we ignore that topic. Or do we? Will she go on and on about every little thing so much that I start gagging on my salad? I'm sure she'll bring up how much she misses me, and that she and her hubby really want to be a support for us, blah blah blah.

What do I do? What do I say? And to complicate things, Big B (my hubby) is dying to tell his best friend (her husband) about our latest news. After all, it is his best friend. Shouldn't he get to tell someone? I don't want Big B to tell him. Because then he'll tell her. And then she'll make a big deal about it and probably tell all of our other friends. I don't want her to know because she doesn't know what it's like to be sitting on pins and needles. To hold your breath for weeks on end, waiting for that other shoe to drop. I don't want to piss on her parade just because mine's been rained on over and over. Ya know?

I do want to be happy for her. I really do. I know its something I have to work on and get over. I can't live my life alienating one friend after another because they get pregnant or have a baby, or already have babies, or are wanting more babies, or tired of the babies they have. I'm getting all teary-eyed thinking about this. I really want to cancel. I don't don't don't want to do this.


April said...

So...I went through this same thing. She refused to talk to me about anything. Then I got cancer and she refused to talk about that, too. Then we did IUIs endlessly and she wouldn't talk about that. Honestly, if I tried, she would change the subject or ignore me. I really liked her before all of this, but sometimes people just don't know how to respond to situations and tend to be socially retarded.

Here's hoping your dinner went better than mine did...

xoxo, april

JamieD said...

It is such a hard place to be. That giant pink elephant would be easier to ingore if, well it wasn't a giant pink elephant.

Congrats on your pregnancy and I hope your dinner goes well!