Birthing Class Reunites

I have no concept of time, whatsoever. Something happened during the birthing/infant process and I can no longer discern the passing of time...especially at night, when I get those precious few hours of sleep. I'm SURE that it has only been five minutes since my head hit the pillow and when precious baby decides its time to wake snoring mommy up for a little midnight snack.

And now, I can't believe its been a month since my last post. Goodness. My next one will be when she starts kindergarten. Or starts her period. Or starts her own family. Because *BLINK* and the day is over and a new one has begun.

Last night was our birthing class reunion. It was really fun to see real-time genetic experiments. You get to know these couples over a seven week cycle, then you get to see what kind of baby they produce (some of them more successful than others, he he). You also get to see what the gals look like without an extra 20-30 pounds, without stretchy pants, and without the perpetual waddle. We shared our birth stories (mine was the worst, I'm sure), bitch about the hospital, and whine about our postpartum issues. I think when it was over, everyone was a little reluctant to leave. There was this sort of team camaraderie, that we were all in for *something* but no one knew what. And then we're pushed out of the nest to discover for ourselves what this whole parenting thing is all about.

an update

It's been two weeks, albeit part time, back at work. I'm exhausted. It's been really tough transitioning from home life to work. Trying to get myself ready, LadyBug ready, the house at least approachable for whomever will be watching the babe...it's tough! And that's just the morning. Because BigB is up at 4:30 and out the door before I even get up, its all up to me. By the time I get to work, I'm already frazzled.

Trying to pump three times a day just adds to the stress. Squeezing (no pun intended) time in to sequester myself in the lactation room (really just a cinderblock, windowless, storage closet that smells like mildew), is impossible.

Then, when I finally get home, LadyBug is cranky from not getting any good naps, and there are no smiles left for me. I'm emotionally and physically spent. I wish I had something witty and funny to say, but its a drag. I know its just going to get worse when I got back full time.

End pity party.

We're going to the M's game tonight - we're takin' on the Yankees (boooo!). Looking forward to some great brawts & beers. Tomorrow is the Boat Afloat show (drooling over yachts), and painting the laundry room.

A day in the life...

First Day Back

Here's a little recap of my first attempt at reentering the workplace by trying to get out of the house by 12:30 so I can be to work by 1:00 (only working a half-day) - and yes, it does take 30 minutes to go 8 miles.

• 11:30 Shirt #1 is ruined by me dropping egg all over it. Wanted to have a high-protein breakfast/lunch so I wouldn't have a carb crash. Change shirt.
• 11:50 Shirt #2 is ruined by LadyBug barfing all over it. No salvaging it. Change shirt yet again.
• 11:55 Notice shirt #3 has coffee stains on it from the last time I wore it to work Pre-baby). Change shirt again.
• 12:15 BigB gets home from his half day to relieve me.
• 12:40 Going to be late for first day back because I have exhausted my work shirts that aren't maternity...trying to decide which one makes me look the least like I have done nothing for the past 10 weeks but eat bon bons takes way too much time.
• 1:00 Cry at sad country music song about singers little baby girl. Makeup runs AGAIN.
• 1:10 Arrive at work. Find balloons, dozen roses, card, and an iced mocha. Very sweet of my team.
• 1:11 Flood of Tears
• 1:30 Notice iced mocha has leaked all over my brand new WHITE pants. Niiiiiice. Especially when everyone and their mother is stopping by my office to welcome me back. I stay seated as I chat it up with them. I'm sure it seemed very rude.
• 1:45 Decide I can't make it through the afternoon with brown splatter stains all over the crotch of my white pants. Go to the breakroom and spray them with 409 and rub (my crotch) with a wet towel. Awkward.
• 1:48 Realize now everyone can see my underpants because of the water.
• 1:50 Go back to office and partially shut door, hoping people will stay away until my pants dry.
• 2:00 Have meeting with boss to review projects worked on (dropped the ball on) while I was away.
• 2:15 Have sensation that boobs are leaking through bra and realize that I forgot to put pads in.
• 2:20-2:30 Try to discreetly determine if boobs are in fact leaking and making quarter sized circles on my already less than flattering top.
• 2:31 Determine no leakage.
• 3:00 Stuff bra full of toilet paper because I'm sure the boobs will in fact leak as the admin who has the key to the lactation room is out for the day so I can't pump.
• 3:05 Look in the mirror and try to adjust toilet paper so they aren't lumpy and lopsided and totally obviously stuffed with t.p.
• 3:15 My admin stops me on the way back to my office and drills me about "what's it like to be a mom?"
• 3:18 Try not to cry as I try to explain how what's it like to leave your child at home and discreetly hide behind her massive desk so I don't expose my underwear see-through pants
• 3:30 Show video of little LadyBug for 400th time to officeworkers and hear teammates gag
• 3:45 Go through mile-high stack of mail and wonder what the heck I'm doing at work with my little Lady Bug at home.
• 4:59 Run out of office without a glance back and head home to my sweet chubby cheeks.
• 5:12 Cry at sad country music song. At least there's no makeup left to run anywhere.
  
• 5:35 Arrive home and grab my bundle of joy and hug her hard.

Back to Work, Queue Tears

Today I go back to work. It's the day I've dreaded literally since the day I found out I was pregnant. That nagging feeling in the back of my head has come full frontal and I am none too happy about it. I've had crying jags nonstop all week. I just can't help but be sad. It seems like BigB doesn't understand. I think he thinks I'm just feeling sorry for myself - and maybe I am.

Even a day of retail therapy didn't help. I had to buy a few new things since my pre-baby clothes aren't quite fitting. Every time I picked something up, it made me think about why I had to buy them: to go back to work = not being with my baby.

I'm going back part time, just two days per week and one day from home. For the first month, anyhow. I thought that would be easier than going full time cold turkey. My mom and my niece will be watching her, so she wont be with strangers, but I want her to be with ME.

I really wish we were financially able for me to stay home with her. But, $35K in fertility treatments aren't going to just magically disappear. Neither will the mortgage or the car payment. Oh how the green monster (jealousy) has been knocking on my door. I am SO jealous of my SAHM friends. Even though I don't think I'm cut out to be one, I would still like the option to choose. Or at least stay home another month or two till I'm good and ready to go back.

I leave in another hour. I'm waiting to put my makeup on till the last minute - I know its just gonna get smeared all over from the tears.

Don't take your weight issues out on my baby!

There are six girls in my close circle of friends. Five of us had girls in the past year - isn't that crazy? For four of us, its our first baby. It's fun being the last as I have LOADS of hand-me-downs, we really haven't had to buy anything at all. It also kinda sucks being the last because LadyBug gets compared to all the other babies and their milestones.

She kicked their azzzes on her 2 month checkup. She's in the 97 percentile: 14 pounds, 2 ounces for her weight. She's 75% for height and 90% for her head. She's a BIG girl which is supposed to be good for brain development. She'll be very, very smart if its based on the size of her thighs and her wrist rolls! The doctors aren't worried, but my girlfriends seem to be. Most of their babies only weigh a few pounds more, and they are 4-10 months older. It's really hard not to compare and freak out a little, but I know she's just fine. BigB and I are both tall, and he was a big baby who thinned out as soon as he started crawling and walking. It's a teency annoying, though, when even strangers comment and say, "I just love a big baby!"

We went to a birthday party this week for one of our friends whose baby just turned one. I made her a special birthday cake and decorated it for the occasion. Here's a pic of it before, during, and after.

Is this your first?

One thing that has struck me as a little odd, is that practically every stranger that encounters me and LadyBug and takes the time to oooh and ahhh over her, asks "is this your first?"

How do they know? Do I have "rookie" emblazoned on my forehead and I just can't see it? Is it the carrier that still smells like plastic and hasn't seen the wear and tear of previous siblings? Is it my deer-in-headlights smile? Is it the puke that has found its way once again down my cleavage? (I SWEAR that she thinks its a garbage chute - because there's an awful lot of places she could spit up, but she almost always chooses the breast slot).

I surely don't look young enough to be a first time mom - and this point I'm old enough to have 18, just like whats-her-name on tv. But it IS my first and it makes me think these people are clairvoyant. Maybe its just because there isn't a toddler hanging onto my sleeve or the stroller is for one, and not two? Do second-time moms get this, too?

Milk Lady is in the House!

I've been taking Reg.lan the past week in hopes of increasing my milk production - just can't quite make enough for LadyBug to get her fill. The meds seem to be doing the trick - as long as I drink a LOT of water. It also seems to be doing the trick of creating a truckload of gas, for both me and the babe. It's not uncomfortable or painful gas, but it sure does have some, um, velocity! Poor Kate just rips 'em all day. In fact, as we speak, she's grunting a few big ones.

There are some side affects from Reg.lan, including tremors and depression, luckily I haven't experienced either of them. You're on it for just two weeks with the expectation that once you're off it, your milk supply will drop a little, but it will be higher than where it was before you started taking it. With me returning to work just two weeks (insert pouty lip and tears here), I'm even hopeful of getting a small supply of frozen milk treats for the sweet little thing.

Yesterday I was feeding her and she came off my boob for a second and I looked down and there was what I thought was a big string of drool from my boob to my pant leg. But it was a stream of milk! It was totally crazy. Maybe this is what normal gals experience, but I have never seen such a copious amount! I was so in awe. The milk stand is in business!