Thursday, September 25, 2008

A happy medium between gloom and sunshine

I love to spend some quality time over at Rantings of a Creole Princess. I've never met Monica, but she seems like the kind of person who I would love to have a cocktail with. Not to wallow in self-pity, but to laugh with! And be silly! And crack ourselves up over the general hilarities in life.

She recently posted a piece on not letting infertility consume you or ruin you. How it shouldn't define us. That we should choose happy.

I have been struggling with this for a long time. I want to be that person who is grateful. Who celebrates the victories (especially the pregnancy/births) of my friends. The person who doesn't alienate herself from others because they don't know what I'm going through. I want to be that strong person that people look at and wonder, "how does she do it?" and, "I want to be around her because she's so positive and cheerful." Which reminds me of a friend of mine who has categorized people in to two groups: Fun-givers and Fun-takers. I'm afraid since all of this infertility mumbo-jumbo, I have fallen into the latter of those two.

But how do you move from "gloom and doom" to "happiness and joy"? How do we get there? I am "spiritual" (not religious). I pray and read God's word. I know this path I'm walking is directed by Him. Yet, I seem to lack the ability to celebrate and praise this time I'm in. I also don't want to be that person who is unnaturally happy - always seeming to have their head in the clouds and be nauseatingly Susy Sunshine. How can I move from negative to positive? Any thoughts? Anyone?


Trace said...

I wish I knew. I find I go back and forth depending on how many hormones I have going through my body, but if I don't put myself in any family oriented children situations I'm fine and able to be happy in general. Plus, there's always the bloggy world to get out all the negative stuff and I belong to a support group.

Martha said...

Visiting from ILCW with a (Hug). I don't have any magic solutions, except I've learned that I have to mourn my losses in their own time before I can be Suzy Sunshine again. For me, to do anything else is just putting a bandaid on a broken leg. I don't wallow in my crap, if I'm really struggling, I will get help, just like I would for a broken leg. Hang in there, you are not alone.