First Day Back

Here's a little recap of my first attempt at reentering the workplace by trying to get out of the house by 12:30 so I can be to work by 1:00 (only working a half-day) - and yes, it does take 30 minutes to go 8 miles.

• 11:30 Shirt #1 is ruined by me dropping egg all over it. Wanted to have a high-protein breakfast/lunch so I wouldn't have a carb crash. Change shirt.
• 11:50 Shirt #2 is ruined by LadyBug barfing all over it. No salvaging it. Change shirt yet again.
• 11:55 Notice shirt #3 has coffee stains on it from the last time I wore it to work Pre-baby). Change shirt again.
• 12:15 BigB gets home from his half day to relieve me.
• 12:40 Going to be late for first day back because I have exhausted my work shirts that aren't maternity...trying to decide which one makes me look the least like I have done nothing for the past 10 weeks but eat bon bons takes way too much time.
• 1:00 Cry at sad country music song about singers little baby girl. Makeup runs AGAIN.
• 1:10 Arrive at work. Find balloons, dozen roses, card, and an iced mocha. Very sweet of my team.
• 1:11 Flood of Tears
• 1:30 Notice iced mocha has leaked all over my brand new WHITE pants. Niiiiiice. Especially when everyone and their mother is stopping by my office to welcome me back. I stay seated as I chat it up with them. I'm sure it seemed very rude.
• 1:45 Decide I can't make it through the afternoon with brown splatter stains all over the crotch of my white pants. Go to the breakroom and spray them with 409 and rub (my crotch) with a wet towel. Awkward.
• 1:48 Realize now everyone can see my underpants because of the water.
• 1:50 Go back to office and partially shut door, hoping people will stay away until my pants dry.
• 2:00 Have meeting with boss to review projects worked on (dropped the ball on) while I was away.
• 2:15 Have sensation that boobs are leaking through bra and realize that I forgot to put pads in.
• 2:20-2:30 Try to discreetly determine if boobs are in fact leaking and making quarter sized circles on my already less than flattering top.
• 2:31 Determine no leakage.
• 3:00 Stuff bra full of toilet paper because I'm sure the boobs will in fact leak as the admin who has the key to the lactation room is out for the day so I can't pump.
• 3:05 Look in the mirror and try to adjust toilet paper so they aren't lumpy and lopsided and totally obviously stuffed with t.p.
• 3:15 My admin stops me on the way back to my office and drills me about "what's it like to be a mom?"
• 3:18 Try not to cry as I try to explain how what's it like to leave your child at home and discreetly hide behind her massive desk so I don't expose my underwear see-through pants
• 3:30 Show video of little LadyBug for 400th time to officeworkers and hear teammates gag
• 3:45 Go through mile-high stack of mail and wonder what the heck I'm doing at work with my little Lady Bug at home.
• 4:59 Run out of office without a glance back and head home to my sweet chubby cheeks.
• 5:12 Cry at sad country music song. At least there's no makeup left to run anywhere.
  
• 5:35 Arrive home and grab my bundle of joy and hug her hard.