A Glimmer

I went in for my third hcg level test this afternoon. The office called later in the day but I decided to wait to listen to the voicemail until I was safe at home - I could have a nervous breakdown on my couch with my little puppy by my side.

The nurse leaving the message informed me that the levels had doubled and that she thought everything looked "good" but that of course she would have to leave my file for the doctor to look at. So, it seems they will likely have me back for yet another round of blood tests to make sure they double again OR they'll do an ultrasound to see if they can locate a little spec the size of an m&m.

I feel like they're just toying with my emotions. One moment it's doom and gloom and the next they're proffering a teeny little seed of hope.

I know there's absolutely nothing I can do. This is not my story to unfold. God's got it figured out and He knows what's best for me and has a very specific plan.

I did break down and call my mom and tell her what was going on. I just needed her to know. My own maniacal mommy is irrecplaceable.