Thursday, February 21, 2008

Chickened Out

Still haven't POAS'd (Peed On A Stick, for all of you unfamiliar with fertility lingo). I have, instead, officially grown a large beak and have begun clucking around the house, pecking at objects looking suspiciously like grains of food. I have totally psyched myself out. Too scared. Too worried about getting a negative. I've unwittingly allowed myself to start dreaming about seeing the double line, about telling my friends and family, about picking the name. I can't back down.

I've convinced myself that being 18 days past our IUI, and not getting my period MUST mean that I'm pregnant. My boobs being sore MUST mean that I'm pregnant. The constant little twinges in my abdomen MUST mean that I'm pregnant. Now I just can't find out that it's not true. I would rather be let down with the appearance of a little color on the Charmin than from the harsh plastic stick that has proffered countless number of single lines...never a second.

I'm blaming my lack of testing on the convenient fact that most experts agree that POAS should occur first thing in the morning - pee that's been sitting around in your bladder overnight has a higher percentage of hcg (the hormone that pregnant women create and was previously injected into my hiney). We always pee on the stick together...we really both want to see the miraculous second line appear (just like the star above Bethlehem)at the same time - this means that we can't take the test in the morning before work because DH leaves an hour before I even pull my sorry arse out of bed. That leaves Saturday. This has become my convenient excuse. So, I'm thinking of waiting two more days. We've made it this far...what's a few more days? Less than 48 hours...

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