Friday, May 8, 2009

Learning the Stages

Last night was our second installment in our birthing class. So far, it's been a little uneventful, other than the video which showed actual vajj's with actual babies coming out. I kept peeking at BigB, wondering if he was a) going to pass out, or b). was a little too interested in someone else's crotch.

The whole night was spent on the various stages of labor. Here's what we learned:
Early Labor:
Women are pretty much excited and euphoric and perhaps a little confused if they're actually in labor. Women want to clean house and may get a backache. Duh. It could last for days maybe weeks. Waaaaa?

Active Labor:
This apparently is the "this is really starting to hurt and as a result, I could hurt you so step away, please" phase which you probably would yell at your SO if you could squeak a word out. 8 hours or so of this fun time. You may want to get a massage or sit in jacuzzi - which really sounds more like a spa appointment and who is kidding its no spa appointment.

Transition:
This is the"if you get anywhere near me, I'm going to rip your freaking head off. Don't touch me, don't count for me, just get the hell away" portion of delivery. There is often grunting, and shivering, and vomiting. Even a little pooping. Because, hey, you've got a 7 pound watermelon passing through your pelvis.

Pushing:
More of above, but you get to push.that.thang.out for up to a couple of hours. Get ready for SO to turn green. Ripping can ensue.

Placenta Delivery:
Mmmmmm. Yummy. I had never seen one until this video. Suuuu-ick. Don't worry...I don't want that thing inside me any longer than it has to. Brrrrp.

After all that, my question is, when do I get the meds? Because, then all of that is moot, right? I'm all for natural if you can swing it. This girl can not. Unnatural sounds good. Right after that euphoria/house cleaning bit, please.

2 comments:

Martha said...

If you are progressing well w/good cerival dilation, you can get your epidural during active labor. Ask for meds as soon as you can if you want.

areyoukiddingme said...

If you go to the right hospital, they'll offer you medication as soon as you arrive!