the maniacal mommy

My milk supply is seriously inadequate (more on that to come). So, I'm pumping to try and increase the flow. Pumping sucks. I'm just gonna lay it out there. In researching "how to increase milk," I come across this picture:

There is nothing fun or pleasant about pumping (except maybe the 15 minutes I get alone). I don't know how much they paid this woman to look all happy and comfortable with her hands-free pumping bra, but its a bunch of crap.

You cannot sit cross-legged on the floor and pump. You have to be in some kind of a sturdy chair and you basically can't move because you've got tubing that tethers you to 12 inches of a pleather bag encasing your pump. Not sexy or fun.

The bra itself looks like some sort of Madonna-lingerie gone bad. Instead of sexy pointy boobs, you've got projectile bottles full of a sticky substance that seems to find its way onto every surface within three feet of you. But hey, at least you can talk on the phone and write in your day planner. Let's make a date! I can pump! Let's close that million dollar deal - I can pump!

I'd like to hear the conversation with this woman's agent:

"Hey! Becky! Guess what? I've got a sweet gig for you! My client is looking for a gorgeous thirty-something business type woman for a discreet lingerie photo shoot. Nothing showing but the bra - very modest. You'll love it."

Then, when she shows up, they toss her the ensemble that will cast her into b-rated horror flicks for the rest of her life: the hands-free pump bra.

Oh, and by the way, there's no way in hell that woman has had a baby recently. Look at her six pack abs. My abs are somewhere around my knees and show little to no promise of ever returning.

I made my own hands-free wonder. Took an old sports bra and cut two holes in it. It's totally sexy. See for yourself: