Friday, March 6, 2009

Drop and Roll

It's one of my favorite new past times. It's called, "See How Far You Can Get Without Your Pants Falling Down." This morning was a perfect example, I'm in the office parking lot, hands full, and as I walk toward the office, my wonderful, stretchy-panel pants start inching their way down my hips. I know good and well it will just be a matter of moments before said pants are around my ankles.
What to do? What to do? Do I chance it and see if I can get all the way to the entrance? Or, do I put all of my stuff on the wet ground, wrestle my pants up as high as I can wedge them while office mates possibly watch manoeuvres from office window? If my luck runs out, I also risk everyone seeing my lovely granny panties and blindingly white chicken legs. Nothing hotter.

What makes it worse is the black trench coat I wear. Sans pants, I look like a pregnant flasher. Ga-ross. So lies the dilemma. I usually go for it, holding my thighs together as tightly as I can (which looks like a 3 yr old having to pee badly) while making a dash for it. Other times I just know that no amount thigh control will save me which means I have to hitch up my coat, then grab the pants and wrestle them up along with the large-sized panties. None of this is attractive for a grown woman. It's just wrong.

There has GOT to be a better alternative for maternity pants. I've got the bell.aband. It works sometimes. But there are days when nothing helps and I spend my entire grocery or mall trip scanning for empty aisles where I can hitch without being spotted. Sometimes I have no choice but to inflict young children and old men with my antics invoking nightmares across the Pacific Northwest.

BigB presented me with a pair of bright red suspenders. He said he was worried about the neighbors calling the police. They work well, but hard to coordinate with most of outfits (except my lumberjack ensemble).


Martha said...

LMAO with you in red suspenders, downright fetching. Hmm, I thought maternity clothes had gotten better. I got the preggo jeans from JCPenn.ey and Sears that stay put. That was a long time ago, but still... Men's sweat pants have sturdy elastic. Very glamourous. Good Luck!!

areyoukiddingme said...

Yeah, I had that problem too - but I just hitched my pants up wherever! :) Some of the stuff I had (which I bought from ebay) went over the belly, so I would just roll that under my belly. That worked pretty well. I also had a couple pairs of drawstring pants - those were great.

I think the suspender will look fantastic!

Jen said...

Too funny. I would say let 'em drop but it has been so damn cold out lately!

Bobbie said...

I had that problem until about a month ago. Safety pins work wonders. Even a hair tie works. Except sometimes it pops off and you don't know it and you loose those pants anyway. lol.

Red Suspenders, just too cute for words. lol

Wade and Ericka said...

Ha-larious, i could totally picture this because this is me all the time. the only thing that works for me is the full panel pants from old navy and even better, if you wear like a camisole or tank top tucked into your pants, it provides a sort of grip so your pants won't fall down!! good luck with that, hehehe.

Sonja said...

Oh my goodness, too funny. I have this same problem too! Glad to see it's not just me. Usually I just hitch away and don't care who sees me. My thoughts are I'm pregnant and when else in my life can I stop in a public space and readjust my entire outfit? Good times!