Nothing Quite Like Family Guilt

Yesterday I wasn't feeling too hot. Several nights of zero sleep left me feeling foggy, nauseous, and achy. My older sister stopped by and within minutes was telling me all about a recent episode of Dr Phil that she had watched.

Apparently it was all about moms who go back to work after their baby is born so that they can support their 3,000 s.f. homes and brand new cars. My sister told me that I needed to stay home after little LadyBug is born and be with her. That nurturing my child was more important than anything else, and that I needed to do whatever it takes to stay home with her.

I was stunned. No one in my family has ever come out and chastised me for my decision to go back to work. I blubbered, "we don't have a choice! I have to work!" She retorted that there's always a choice. I told her we'd have to sell our house, and move into an apartment at least 30 miles away (apartments are super expensive in Seattle), and even then, we'd be lucky to pay all our bills each month.

She went on to say that she did it. She put her first baby in childcare, but when she had her second, she quit her job, stayed home, and opened a day care. "You just have to prioritize," she quipped.

Big Stream of Tears Ensued.

It's all so frustrating. BigB and I have worked our arses off to try and pay off our debt. We don't drive fancy cars, we live in a tiny home, we don't go on vacations, nor do we eat out more than a few times a month. On top of that, we have the whole overarching economy issue. Who knows if BigB will be out of a job in the next six months. It could totally happen. Now is not the greatest time for me to quit a steady job.

All that being said, I'm pretty sure I don't want to be a full-time SAHM. I can hardly stand being home all day when I'm sick. I have a sneaking suspicion that at the end of my maternity leave I'll be chomping at the bit to go back to work. I'm sure, too, that it'll be really tough to leave the little Bug and I'll be even more elated with every moment I'm able to spend with her. We're trying to be very creative with childcare solutions - working from home at least one day a week, having my mom watch her one day a week, etc, so we can maximize "us" time vs. "daycare" time.

I guess it's just frustrating to not have a choice, and then to be totally guilted by a member of your own family. I never thought I'd see it. I thought my family would know our situation enough to understand our decision. It makes me wonder what all my SAHM friends are thinking. My boss is thinking. Not to mention strangers. Not that I care (well...maybe a little bit).

Ugh. This dilemma is futile. I'm going to go eat something made entirely of chocolate and pretend life is a bowl of roses.